TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
