Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
