are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
