i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
