It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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