At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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