pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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