Porn is love you can see.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
