I seem to have left my pride at pride
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
