don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
