Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
