do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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