Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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