Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
