I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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