Your face is a jimmy john
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
