Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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