I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
