but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
