I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
