dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
