mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
