3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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