Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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