Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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