i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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