I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
