i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
two words: eviction party
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
