I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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