we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the day after is always just damage control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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