forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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