My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
