Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
