Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
