i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
