I'm going to jail i love you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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