I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
