Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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