he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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