I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
