The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize