I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
