mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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