so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
