Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
