Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
