thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
