I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
