No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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