:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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