and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
