At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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