just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
