It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
