I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
