I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
