dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
