i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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