Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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