I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
