You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
