she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
