I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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