It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cut my penus on the lid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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