i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
