Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
