im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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