I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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