I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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