ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
