Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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