She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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